Friday, August 5, 2016

Portrait of Jenny

To my surprise it is World Breastfeeding Week, and thankfully, not to my surprise, today is also my wife, Jenny's birthday.

A quick hashtag search of #worldbreastfeedingweek will provide a plethora of photos and art depicting proud momma with a thirsty babe abreast.  It's a beautiful,natural world we live in.  However, nature does not always go as planned, and this is a post of a different experience involving finding solutions, letting go, and determination.

Our newest son Hiro, was born in February with a cleft lip and palate not letting him get the proper suction on Jenny's nipple to stimulate her milk production and at the same time not get the milk he needed.  These first few weeks were to date some of the most challenging times Jenny and I have faced in our life.  First it was a total shock, next feeding became so so critical and what was the easiest thing about our first son, became an insurmountable challenge.  I cannot even begin to tell you the sense of loss and frustration Jenny felt in not being able to naturally breast feed Hiro.  As all the pro-breastfeeding literature states there are a multitude of benefits associated, as well as being sustainable and a bonding opportunity.  Jenny was heartbroken.

But at the same time, I applaud Jenny's resilience in the moment and putting priority first on feeding this baby.  Enter breast pump and special bottles and nipples, and all the cleaning supplies and procedures.  Thanks to my mom, who came to our rescue to our bohemian Mexican-beach, middle of nowhere fortress of solitude.

And so it goes, Hiro will be 6 months in 2 days.  And Jenny has been pumping on average every 3 hours.  Day and night even while driving back and forth from Nashville to visit her family.  I will say I am the proudest husband for her not giving up.  I know it would be 100 times easier for her to go the formula route.  Knowing mother's milk is best, she finds peace that she can provide that, and has let go of the natural expectation that baby needs to latch.

I think that's the lesson, as parents we strive towards perfection.  But it's tricky because there is nothing we can compare to.  No model of perfection out there, everyone's story is different.  And I think that is the magic in parenting.  Our children won't remember if we were perfect or not, what they remember and hopefully learn is that we try our best, do everything possible, and overcome challenges with grace.  I believe Jenny is deserving of praise for her efforts.

Here is a portrait of Jenny pumping.  Painted for her birthday, but just so coincidentally falling on a date where I can say something and bring some sort of awareness to her experience and the breastfeeding culture as whole.

Jenny Pumping, oil on arches oil paper 12"x16"

Thanks for reading. Much love.  

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Willie Nelson and Zen

Willie Nelson, oil on arches oil paper
Reference photo off google.
"I take it not only one day at a time, but one moment at a time, and keep at that pace. If you can be happy right now, then you'll always be happy, because it's always in the now."                                                                                                                                           -Willie Nelson

If I contemplate Willie's quote above in relation to my art, I'd say it's exactly where I want to be.  It is easy to get lost in thoughts of where my art is going, selling, and pleasing to the point where it is a barrier in itself to actually creating.  But these days, taking it slow is where I find time to make art for enjoyment.  

Process
Initial drawing with thinned down oil (I use gamblin gamsol and mixture of mostly Umber for its drying speed).  Once I was happy with facial feature proportions and placement, I went in with color, making adjustments to my underpainting as needed.


Watercolor Studies
I had been wanting to paint this portrait for a while.  But as with many oil paintings for me, starting is the hardest part.  Such a commitment to mix paints and the rest of the set up, and then the clean up...  With small children it's tough to find and carve out that time.  Having watercolor around helps me get that itch before committing to the real plan.  It also lets me get to know the subject, practice makes perfect.  

Back to Willie's quote, I will say with this painting and others, I have been modifying my oil process, materials, and most importantly, clean up, to give me the feeling that I can be spontaneous with my oil painting.  I am learning to let go of unused paint.  If I mix paint and something comes up, so be it.  If the moment permits and I want to paint in oil, I'm going to go ahead without worrying about interruptions that haven't happened and which, in the end are inevitable anyway.  Being in the moment with not just art but with life and family, allows me to be happy with anything.  And in the end makes me a better painter, as I am constantly calculating my color values and brush strokes.

Perhaps another post sometime in the future about materials and process.

Below is the song that inspired me to paint Willie.  "Just Breathe", original by Pearl Jam/Eddie Vedder, covered by Willie and Luke Nelson.  Can't get any more zen than just breathing.  The father-son theme here, really struck a chord.

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